Eleven days left in the month. In our eagerness to stay connected via prepaid phone calls we have nearly maxed out the monthly allowance of call minutes. There are so few minutes left that we can't share anything other than brief, "I Love You's" and then hang up. I have things I need to discuss and so yesterday I did not answer the phone so I could save up a few minutes. I will do the same thing today - then tomorrow we can use 3 minutes. The problem is he doesn't know this. The phone rings with the now familiar unknown number on the digital readout screen incessantly except during his work detail, then it is every 15 minutes. The desperation in palpable. I harden my resolve. I need 3 minutes and to even tell him this will delay what I need to discuss an extra day. Finally I take the home phone off the hook. So of course my cell phone takes over. My mother is the first to tell me something is wrong with the home phone, it is just ringing and ringing and the answering machine is not working. Then the office calls to say they can't seem to get an urgent fax over to me. Next, my slew of girlfriends ring the cell. F---. I turn off my cell. I replace the home phone receiver to its cradle and walk out the door. I'll come home after 9pm. The prison phone bank shuts down then.
I feel like I am being mean. I don't care. Maybe I am. So much is out of my control. Whether I take a phone is in my realm of control. It is a choice I still have left to me.
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