Day 2. My mind is still back on Day I. Yesterday was the day we had dreaded for 2 months. The day he surrendered himself to commence his sentence. At noon, we are talking via Blackberry. He is to turn himself in at 2pm so we are down to our last 2 hours. We have spoken for hours every day for 18 months or so. This is because I live on the west coast and he has been forced to reside on the east coast. The proceedings had all taken place in New York, the house arrest was in NY and any trips out of the vicinity were short lived and difficult to acquire permission for.
Shortly into our last call before his incarceration he interrupts me to say his second eldest son is on the other line. I tell him to take the call and ask him to call me back. He is the oldest son of his second marriage. He has been incommunicado for some time. It is self imposed. He is bitter about his parents divorce and subsequent loss of his privileged life style even though it has been nearly 10 years. He vacillates between being mephitic and hateful to both his parents, and his 4 younger siblings. He has verbally terrorized the family for some time now and recently started to threaten to carry out his own self destruction via suicide. My love has tried to reach out to him for weeks with no success. Now with 2 short hours left he is on the line. I sign off and get a cappuccino. Minutes turn into a half an hour. I decide not to wait and call him back. I am praying he isn't being nasty and has somehow morphed into a decent human being if only for a moment in time.
My love picks up immediately and tells me they are at by the prison entrance. His buddy has gone around the building to find out where he needs to go but we will talk until just before 2. The reality and the finality is crashing down on me. I am consumed by my own emotions and can barely talk. He keeps asking me, "Darling, are you there?" I sputter, "I am here"...and can say nothing else. In a moment of silence, I can here the sound of many feet approaching. His buddy has returned and with him are several officers. My love tells them he has all his paperwork but will not be surrendering until 2PM. I hear one officer say, "You are coming in now." My love counters with, "Please officer, I have a court signed order that says 2PM and I am saying goodbye to my fiance." The officer repeats himself and I hear my lover say way in the distance, "I love you very much...it will be OK...." and the line goes dead.
And part of me goes dead and limp. And even this seems like more more abuse of power. And something in my that had been dormant came alive. Something powerful and human but I don't know yet quite what it is.
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