We have run out of phone minutes and I feel slightly guilty because it is kind of a relief. I don't feel compelled to stay home and to wait for a call that always begins with, "You have a prepaid phone call. You will not be charged for this call. This call is from an inmate at a Federal Penitentiary..."then somewhere in the background I hear him call out his name and I push #5 to allow the call to come through. Now I have a reprieve for 4 days. I can pretend this is not happening to him, to his kids and to me.
I feel selfish. I want to enjoy the sun shining on my face without thinking of him straining to see it through a metal grate in a 40x40 exercise pen. I want to go to sleep on my king sized pillow top mattress with my down pillows and organic cotton sheets without remembering he has a lumpy 3" blue striped foam mattress filled with the grief of all its past inhabitants.
I want to scream at him for being so stupid, so delusional and so desperate that he trusted the man, his former big shot attorney that got him into this mess to begin with.
Mostly I just want a little peace. I will get it for the next four days until the new month starts and the frantic, rushed phone calls start up again.
No comments:
Post a Comment