Another 1st. Fathers Day in a Federal Penitentiary. He has 6 children and one darling grandchild. He was the real deal as a Dad. When all the other fathers were busy golfing at the Westchester Country Club and sitting around the Harvard Club and fortifying their connections he was home with his. He was the fun Dad. The Dad that cannon balled them into the pool while they laughed and screamed and begged for more. He was the Dad on the 10 speed with all his ducklings helmeted and tucked in behind him as they cruised the world together. He was the Dad coaching their soccer games. He was the Dad who made their snacks and listened to all their problems.As they grew older, he was the one they could ask anything and tell anything. He has such an open line of communication with them compared to my family where there are so many taboo topics.
They openly discuss sex from who you should share yourself with, to technique, to safety and its done from a perspective of love not lust. In my family, sex is never discussed, you would almost assume its not done. Together they talk about all the vices, drinking, drugs, etc. His older sons after having too much to drink in their college dorms would call and ask what to do to stop the pain from a night over over consumption. When I was in my 20's there were plenty of times I partied too hard. There was never a time when I called my Dad to ask what to do for the shakes or the screaming headache or the chills from poisoning myself with too much tequila.
He doesn't drink himself. Not any more. Not for 2o years or so. He never went to AA. He just stopped one day. He was terrible when he drank. A pathetic, needy, self important character would emerge after even one drink. Alcohol was like a poison for him. It was one of the reasons I broke our engagement and left him when I was 20 years old.
Now he has lost his exalted father status. His oldest son grew up with his first wife and they have an on and off again relationship mostly due to distance. His oldest son by his 2nd wife has barely spoken to him since the arrest. He just blames and hates and threatens to kill himself. He has gone from sweet and smart to vile and mephetic. He resents the loss of his prior privileged life style and at 25 is doing nothing to start a life of his own. The next in line has taken to sitting in his room for days and smoking enormous amounts of pot. He too is angry. He told me he wasn't meant to lead an ordinary life. They had everything. Now they have nothing. I couldn't understand he tells me. He too has a tendency for suicide and depression. I have had to talk him out of it over the phone lines before. Without their former trappings of wealth and privilege they are spiraling into a land of self pity and disillusionment. The middle son is OK. Cheerful, optimistic and creating a life for himself. He is the most like his father. They are cut from the same bolt. The only daughter is sweet and hopeful that she will build her own life and create her own dreams; she is not attached to what they had. The same is true with the youngest son who is kind and sings and plays guitar like his Dad.
He loves them all. He wanted more children. He had wanted one with me when I was 20. I was on the pill. When we reconnected and I was 50 he still wanted to have one. One golden love child. He begged me to have an egg harvested and suggested we get a surrogate to carry the child. I laughed and told him he was crazy. My child bearing days are over AND my child rearing days are also over. He has 6. I have 1 plus 3 grandchildren. That is it. We have done our duty to overpopulate the earth.
So it Father's Day. My father lies under the ground. He has since I was 21. His father died some 20 years ago too. This will be a sad day for him in his gray world or the "Gray Planet" as he has coined it.
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